A servant of Jesus

The last couple weeks or so I've been struggling with my inner evil, Satan has been really pulling at me. With my attitude, my work ethic, my mood, my relationships, and most of all my prayer life. Today when I read the 1st reading it didn't excite me or make me feel good - rather it sort of made me feel worse. It was Isaiah 50: 4-9, which reads: "The Lord has given me a well-trained tongue, that I might know how to speak to the weary a word that will rouse them. Morning after morning he opens my ear that I may hear; and I have not rebelled, have not turned back." If anything, these verses only show a complete 180 to what I've been going through and dealing with and feeling for a while. I don't feel like God has given me a well-trained tongue...and if He has I don't know how to access it to help others when they need help. I know for a fact I've been rebelling and turning my back on the things I should be doing. Now I know God is always calling, always trying to get me to listen...but I haven't heard anything from Him in a while. Is this my own falling? Yes. Is it my job to get me back to a place where I used to be, praising His name and coming to Him every day in prayer? Yes, with His help, of course. I know that in Him all things are possible! I know that....so why is it so hard to stay in that place where I feel God's glory shine on my face?! I know how it feels to be there and it feels wonderful! And this place feels so destitute, just awful. And I think there's something to be said for going through highs and lows; valleys and peaks...otherwise how will we know how to appreciate our highs when we get them? I guess I need more help than normal, getting back to God and being in a place where I can see Him. Perhaps I've started already.

For those of you praying, I need prayers for my sisters. One is in a very very dark place right now, darker and deeper than I can imagine, and she will not be able to crawl out herself. She is fighting a battle so heavy and so large she cannot do it alone - and yet she won't allow others to help her fight this battle. Please pray that our Lord can pierce her heart and give her the graces she needs to get through this. Another sister and her daughter also need prayers. A couple weeks ago my new niece Kimberly was flown to the children's hospital in Denver with a partially collapsed lung. She made progress and they are now home, supposedly doing much better. Please pray for her continued health and strength. Thank you with all my heart!