Praise the Lord!

Ah yes, Easter season is now here and the time has come for much rejoicing! Jesus Christ has been risen from the dead, all doubt and fear have been erased, and all our sin and death has been taken away by his death and resurrection! The promise of eternal life through out wonderful Father and Lord!

Not yet in my adult life have I enjoyed fully the promises and the joy of Easter - and its time to start rejoicing! Jesus is constantly trying to give us blessings, hope and promises that if we truly follow him, we will have life beyond the grave and live with Him forever in His kingdom! For whatever reason, the past few months I've been living in darkness and negativity. Its time for me to step into the light of God's promise for me! My new goal is to praise the Lord more every day and to build up my faith and trust in our Heavenly Father! Christ the Lord has risen - Alleluia!!!

In the first reading today (Acts, chapter 2) we read of hope that comes from trust in the Lord, "I saw the Lord ever before me, with him at my right hand I shall not be disturbed. Therefore my heart has been glad and my tongue has exulted; my flesh, too, will dwell in hope, because you will not abandon my soul to the netherworld, nor will you suffer your holy one to see corruption. You have made known to me the paths of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence." How wonderful, to be filled in joy in the presence of Christ. This is what I seek - praise the Lord!

Afterthought

After reading one of my good friends' blogs this morning about the dating of Easter, I am reminded of the true meaning of the lenten season, and of Easter! To quote Reverend Cindy Watson:

Regardless of the date, Easter is pivotal in the life of the church. Easter is the promise of new life and hope in a world that is often filled with despair and death.

No matter the date, it is a joy for all Christians to celebrate Easter together. Our experience of resurrection is what helps us be the body of Christ in the world.

After reading this I am now filled with hope and joy, and will immerse myself in God's mysteries and promises, especially in the next 4 days! Thanks Cindy, I needed that!

A servant of Jesus

The last couple weeks or so I've been struggling with my inner evil, Satan has been really pulling at me. With my attitude, my work ethic, my mood, my relationships, and most of all my prayer life. Today when I read the 1st reading it didn't excite me or make me feel good - rather it sort of made me feel worse. It was Isaiah 50: 4-9, which reads: "The Lord has given me a well-trained tongue, that I might know how to speak to the weary a word that will rouse them. Morning after morning he opens my ear that I may hear; and I have not rebelled, have not turned back." If anything, these verses only show a complete 180 to what I've been going through and dealing with and feeling for a while. I don't feel like God has given me a well-trained tongue...and if He has I don't know how to access it to help others when they need help. I know for a fact I've been rebelling and turning my back on the things I should be doing. Now I know God is always calling, always trying to get me to listen...but I haven't heard anything from Him in a while. Is this my own falling? Yes. Is it my job to get me back to a place where I used to be, praising His name and coming to Him every day in prayer? Yes, with His help, of course. I know that in Him all things are possible! I know that....so why is it so hard to stay in that place where I feel God's glory shine on my face?! I know how it feels to be there and it feels wonderful! And this place feels so destitute, just awful. And I think there's something to be said for going through highs and lows; valleys and peaks...otherwise how will we know how to appreciate our highs when we get them? I guess I need more help than normal, getting back to God and being in a place where I can see Him. Perhaps I've started already.

For those of you praying, I need prayers for my sisters. One is in a very very dark place right now, darker and deeper than I can imagine, and she will not be able to crawl out herself. She is fighting a battle so heavy and so large she cannot do it alone - and yet she won't allow others to help her fight this battle. Please pray that our Lord can pierce her heart and give her the graces she needs to get through this. Another sister and her daughter also need prayers. A couple weeks ago my new niece Kimberly was flown to the children's hospital in Denver with a partially collapsed lung. She made progress and they are now home, supposedly doing much better. Please pray for her continued health and strength. Thank you with all my heart!

The Lord is my Shepard

Today's psalm was the 23rd, which is one of my favorites! Its so reassuring, giving of hope and reminding us that we have so many things to be thankful for. "...in verdant pastures He gives me repose...His rod and his staff will follow me, all the days of my life..."

The meditation on The Word Among Us focused on the first reading, Daniel chapter 13, which was quite extensive this morning. It spoke of Susanna, Joakim's wife, and how she was unjustly accused of adultery, all because 2 wicked elders wouldn't control their lusts and desires. Instead of giving in to these unholy men, Susanna gives herself to the Lord, trusting Him completely to deliver her from evil. And because of her faith, the Lord stirs up the Holy Spirit within Daniel, and he helps her prove her innocence! What an extraordinary story! That is the kind of faith I strive for in my God! I pray that when I'm faced with my own trials and temptations, I will look to the Lord for strength and willpower!

There was something that stuck out at me in the gospel today. John 8 spoke of the adulterous woman, and how when the people wanted to stone her, Jesus said, "Let the one of you who is without sin cast the first stone." We must be careful in life not to judge others - or even situations too hastily. But then Jesus says this, which gives hope and comfort; "Neither do I condemn you. Go, and from now on do not sin any more." That is one of the big parts of confession - promising to God that we will amend our lives and do our best to sin no more. Now we are all sinful people, but I have to admit that that's a part of confession I didn't really put much thought into. That's a difficult thing to promise - difficult but possible. With my strength from the Lord, anything is possible! I CAN DO THESE THINGS!!!

Thursday April 7, 2011

It seems that once again, God picked today's scriptures out just for me! Even though I know in my own heart that Christ is uplifting, merciful and loving, I can't help but take today's readings as a guilt trip of sorts. Or perhaps my Father is just being firm and tough-loving with me.

John 5:31-47 - "...He was a burning and shining lamp, and for a while you were content to rejoice in his light. But I have testimony greater than John's...and you do not have his word remaining in you...You search the scriptures, because you think you have eternal life through them; even they testify on my behalf. But you do not want to come to me to have life...How can you believe, when you accept praise from one another and do not seek the praise that comes from the only God?"

Granted, I picked out the verses that spoke to me, and they may not be in the context in which I feel that they apply to me...but nevertheless God's word spoke to me. Especially the verse about, "How can you believe, when you accept praise from one another and do not seek the praise that comes from the only God?" and "but you do not want to come to me to have life." Those are harsh accusations, and I hate to say it, but correct. I do search texts and scriptures to get closer to God and to help me understand and on the right path...but how often do I just sit in silence, pray and just be with God? This is a hard task for me to do. Today I pray for continuing strength, that I may come back to the Lord all day long, asking for mercy, faith and love. For if I seek only the praise and approval of others and not my God, where will that get me?

I've not been consistent or faithful to my lenten devotion. My prayer time the past few weeks - well the past month or two - has suffered greatly. Satan works in sneaky ways, to the point of not noticing what is happening. Satan has been working on me, making me lazy, lacking discipline, as well as contributing to my feeling beat down and not good enough. I am in great need of God's wonderful grace, and yet cannot seem to grasp onto it. Which is a strange thing for me to say because I know that its out there, all I need to do is grab hold...why can't I do this? Why do I allow my will power to decline and settle for less than what I can do? I have this feeling - this desire for something - and after trying to pinpoint what it is (do I wish Eric were here, am I thirsty, should I sleep, etc...) I walk around searching for something, some satisfaction to cure my restlessness, and I realize that I'm thirsting for the Lord in my heart and in my life. Lord why do I hide from you? Why do I try to pretend not to want you?! I know that we go through spiritual highs and lows, valleys and mountains, drenches and thirsts...I know this. But how I hate feeling this spiritually low. I feel that we should always be struggling for perfection, I only wish it didn't feel this way. My friends, I need your prayers.

Perhaps lack of consistency is my problem. I don't feel like I've found my nitch yet...I keep telling myself that I need routine, that if I get into a schedule I like and feel comfortable with and that works in my life, I will be more organized and just scheduled. I have not been accomplishing this. When I read - whether it be in the morning, mid day or evening - I cannot concentrate. I find my mind going in other directions and I sit there, almost in a daze. It has become overwhelmingly frustrating lately, and I give up so quickly.

I think I need to go back to praying in the morning - that's when I had the most success. And I hope that my dedication to my spiritual life increases, therefore increasing my dedication and discipline in other aspects of my life.

I was reading a few journal entries in my prayer journal - before I began blogging I wrote in my notebook about the daily readings, and just my thoughts, very similar to this outlet - and one from January stuck out at me. I began the entry with, "The readings were really good today! Timothy spoke of one friend encouraging another friend to use the flame that God gave them to be ablaze for Christ!" I read that and I remembered what it felt like to enjoy reading scripture and spending my time with God. What am I waiting for - He's calling me back to Him...why do I protest?!